Dale Carnegie Coaching

Tell Me a Story

Don Hewitt, the founder of 60 Minutes, passed away earlier this month.  The show’s guiding mantra was focused on four words: tell me a story.  Hewitt believed that a well-told story could send a powerful message better than anything else.

This past Saturday evening, Bonni (my wife) and I were invited to a screening of Sin By Silence, a documentary about domestic violence and women who have been convicted of killing their husbands after bearing years – and in some cases decades – of horrific physical and psychological abuse.

The pain and suffering in the movie is almost unbearable to watch.

While the documentary follows the stories of several women, it centers on the story of Brenda Clubine.  She was convicted of her husband’s murder, long before the law allowed for juries to consider the abuse that women endured at the hands of their husbands as part of the sentencing decision.  The movie documents her 26 years in a California penitentiary for her husband’s death.  During her time in prison, she was told (incorrectly) that her only son had been killed in an accident.

Brenda speaks of her struggles in the documentary and her subsequent decision to organize women in the prison to form Convicted Women Against Abuse (CWAA) to help educate the criminal justice system about women in her situation.  Through media, letter writing, and incredible patience, this organization influenced new laws that more appropriately considered the plight of battered women in domestic abuse situations.

Due to her participation in the documentary, the audience learns that her son is able to locate her and they lovingly reunite.  The movie ends with a court scene in 2008 where Brenda’s petition to revisit her sentence is reviewed by a judge…who concludes that she should no longer be held by the state.  After 26 years in prison, she is freed.

Many of us shed tears watching this powerful film.  And yet, I was completely unprepared for what happened next.

The director of the film introduced Brenda who, unbeknownst to many of us, had been sitting in the audience.  As she walked to the front of the room, she received a standing ovation.

How I wish the world could have been there to see that moment.  I know that every person who was there that evening left with a powerful intention to raise awareness of this documentary and the nationwide tour that Brenda and Olivia (the director) now begin.

I wish I could tell you that I was the type of person who would have been motivated to support this effort without having heard and witnessed a piece of this powerful story. I doubt it is the case.  Like so many other things in our lives, good ideas that aren’t compelling are, for me, just ideas that never command action.

Ideas become compelling when a powerful story motivates us to WANT to take action.  That’s when we make the transition from mere compliance to enthusiastic cooperation with the people we work with, live with, and attempt to influence through our leadership.

Don Hewitt influenced the entire American news media through powerful story-telling.  Brenda Clubine is taking her incredible story on the road to educate people and influence change in our society.

What’s the story you have that will affect change in your business, your family, or our society?  If you want me (and others) to take action, we want to hear it.  We’re all ears.

Tell me a story.

For more on Sin By Silence, visit www.sinbysilence.com

Which do you fear more: sharks or deer?

Which animal is more likely to kill you, a shark or a deer?

In their book, “Made to Stick,” Chip and Dan Heath report that research from the Florida Museum of Natural History shows a clear answer to this question.  In your lifetime, you are 300 times more likely to be killed by a deer.

A deer?

The reason of course is that sharks don’t tend to jump out in front of cars and collide with you when you are driving.  Deer, on the other hand, do this all the time.  One of my dad’s colleagues was killed years ago from a deer that went straight through his windshield, only steps away from his driveway.

Most of us don’t fear the random deer hanging out on the side of the road…but we would be hard pressed to admit we’ve never worried about sharks when swimming or surfing at the beach.

Deer escape fear because they are cute, shy, and such a standard fixture of the everyday landscape.  Sharks, on the other hand, are scary and aggressive…and yet kill far fewer people.

Examples like this are prevalent in everyday life.  We’re far more likely to die in the car on the way to the airport than in a plane crash.  We hear all about West Nile Virus, but the seasonal flu kills substantially more people each year.

When leading our organizations, this common trap cannot be overemphasized.  Executives and leaders tend to worry about the big events (layoffs, falling stock prices, the sudden blow from the competition) that will kill off a company and drive away employees.  No doubt these are real issues and there are victims of each all the time.

Yet, everyday interactions kill companies and drive employees away in far greater numbers than any of the above.  The Gallup Organization has consistently found that people leave managers, not companies.  In their seminal book, “First Break All the Rules,” they advise, “If you have a turnover problem, look first to your managers.”

According to Gallup, an employee’s immediate manager is the single most likely factor in predicting their long-term retention by the organization.  Moreover, employees won’t tell you when management has failed.  Rather, they will say, “a new opportunity suddenly came my way.”

Is your organization more likely to be losing employees because of the big events, or everyday management?  If you read this far, you already know the answer.

This week, take just one of Dale Carnegie’s thirty human relations principles and apply it with your employees.  Access Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book directly at this link and begin utilizing timeless resources that will drive successful relationships.

Leadership in Painful Situations

This past weekend, I found myself in a discussion about the economy with a friend at church.  Her husband's business is nearing bankruptcy and their future is very uncertain.  Moreover, it was clear that there was a lot of tension in the leadership ranks of the business right now.

Anyone who was still under the illusion of a quick turnaround in our economic misfortunes was certainly disheartened by the announcement this past week of a 7.6% unemployment rate still on the rise.  Painful stories of lost jobs, companies closing, and careers interrupted are all over the news and on the cover of every major business magazine.

It's hard enough to be a leader in good times, but the challenge becomes terribly harder in times like this.  That said, as tough as it may be right now for those of us in leadership roles, it's even more challenging for the people we lead.  Most of us reading this article are in more senior positions in our organizations and less likely to be the first victims of a layoff.

Whether your organization is facing tough times or not, it goes without saying that at least some of your people and their families and friends are experiencing major financial challenges right now.  As leaders, we must be sensitive to these challenges and support our employees during tough times.

The doesn't mean that we go easy on people or that we try to pretend that everything is OK when it's not (especially when the organization is in trouble).  After all, we all know things in the economy are likely to worsen before they get better.

It does mean that we look for more opportunities to recognize people, respect them for their hard work, and give them something to hold their heads high about during difficult times.  Dale Carnegie taught us to "give honest and sincere appreciation."  Perhaps never has this been more important in recent decades than right now.

This month, make a special effort to show recognition when good things do happen.  When you recognize an employee for good work, back it up with evidence by giving them a specific example of what you appreciate about them, so it doesn't sound like insincere flattery.

Many of us can't (and shouldn't) guarantee people that they'll have a job in six months, or that the economy won't affect the organization.  Employees want honesty from their leaders, and false hope only breaks their trust in the long run.

However, we all need something to smile about right now.  As leaders, let's be intentional about supporting our people with recognition.  It won't eliminate tough times or bad news, but it will give our people reason to trust that we are invested in them and doing everything we can to navigate through tough times.

Relationships in Uncertain Times

Recent months have brought even more uncertainty to a struggling economy and tough labor market, forcing many of us to make tough choices with our people and budgets.

A few times in recent weeks, I've heard job seekers remind themselves that, "It's all about who you know in the job market." To a certain extent, they are of course right. How much we know gives us the credibility to do what we do, but it's often our relationships that get our foot in the door, whether it's for an interview, new business opportunity, or countless other business activities.

As much as who we know is valuable, it's even more important what those we know say or think about us when we're not there. After all, I've met master networkers who seem to know everyone and their mother in the business world, but always struggle. On the other hand, I know those who put more emphasis on the quality of their relationships (instead of quantity) in order to build a brand of trust with the people they spend their time with. My wife is a great example of someone who puts quality ahead of quantity in relationships and then often sees amazing synergies emerge those quality interactions.

Our brand is the stories that people tell about us (or tell themselves) when we're not around. What story do people tell about you when you're not around? Is it a story you'd be proud of?

Statistics still show that 75% of new jobs come through networking and relationships. While I haven't seen statistics for the importance of existing relationships in creating new business activities, I can certainly attest to the fact that in our business, that number is far greater than 75%.

People don't just help out people they know. People help out people they trust. People hire people they trust. People do business with people they trust.

What are the people in your network saying about you? If it's not the things that it should be, then perhaps it's time to start focusing on quality relationships instead of just quantity of relationships.